Time Warped

Time warped: Man, Buzz really must stop washing down the Ambien with a bottle of cough syrup at night. It's giving us the weirdest dreams. For example, we mistakenly thought that a major American political party had chosen a young, black, politically ambitious newcomer to run for president on a platform of "change." Then we woke up to find it's actually 1990.

OK, so maybe Buzz has our anachronism backward, but in any case, could someone please explain to us why Clayton Williams and Ross Perot are back in the political news?

For you youngsters, Williams was the GOP candidate who lost the governor's race to Ann Richards in 1990. How best to describe him? Let's see: If Texas' Bubbas formed a religion and wanted an idol to worship, they'd construct a 30-foot statue of Claytie. He's the candidate who famously made a joke comparing rape to bad weather—if it's inevitable, just lay back and enjoy.

News that Williams planned a fund-raiser for GOP presidential candidate John McCain this week in Midland and had raised some $300,000 for him chapped off a fair number of Democratic women, who demanded that McCain denounce, repudiate, regurgitate and exfoliate Williams.

That seems a bit of an overreaction. Of course, the King of the Bubbas is going to back McCain. So Williams once made a sexist joke. So he had nice things to say about brothels. So he once compared Richards to a cow. So...so...OK, we don't have a point here. The man's a putz. But if we go sifting through every dollar donated to politicians to make sure it comes from pristine hands, the future is no brighter for Barack Obama than it is for McCain. Tons of jerks vote. Saints are thin on the ground.

As for Perot, he's the guy who ran as a third party candidate in 1992. The guy who said the North Vietnamese sent a group of Black Panther assassins to his home, but his dog chased the killers away. The guy who pulled out of the presidential race because, he said, the GOP planned to disrupt his daughter's wedding. The loon. He's back with a Web site, perotcharts.com—the man loves charts—that suggests the nation is heading for bankruptcy. His solution, suggested obliquely between the lines, is essentially to eliminate Social Security and Medicare. As always, very realistic, Mr. Perot. Thanks!

And it's JUNE! Weeks and weeks to go until Election Day! Enjoy! Now, if you'll excuse us, Buzz has to go pick up a few cases of cough syrup.