Cheap Bastard

Lesson: When you say, "I'd like the steak fingers," and the waitress looks at you very seriously, and shaking her head she whispers to you quietly, "Noooo," it's a good time to respectfully walk out of the restaurant. Because, today's just not your day for a cool, independently owned lunch-place adventure. Walk. Away.

Because, if you don't, this happens:

Me: "Oh, no steak fingers? Why?"

Waitress: "Uh, they're just...not very good."

For the record, you could also leave at this point. And you should. But, if you don't, you decide, hey, it's pretty cool that this waitress is helping me out. I like her. She's like my lunch sherpa. And then, this happens:

Me: "So, what do you recommend?"

Waitress: "Chicken-fried steak or the sirloin."

Me: "I'll have the chicken-fried steak, then, with carrots and mash. Thanks."

And then, you'll get your food and you'll wonder why, oh why, did you ever take one bite? It actually hurts that the food is this bad when the waitress was so cool and nice. In a panic, as you avoid making direct eye contact with the chicken-fried stuff staring back at you, your mind starts to try to find the silver lining. Instant mashed potatoes are pretty easy to screw up, right? And maybe the margarine is supposed to look this oily.

Now, there are two people on the Internet who think that this place is great, and crystal f. and daytrpr800, I trusted you. I trusted you when you said that Bee Gee's would serve me a good home-cooked meal. Did this stuff really taste like the cooking you grew up eating? Because my mom never made bukkake gravy on top of vomit-fried steak. I hope somebody tells me that this was just some kind of ancient Southern gravy technique I'm unaware of, but to me it just looked like clumps of flour not-so-mixed with milk. And it tasted like eeew.

This is officially the first time that I've ever walked out of a restaurant without finishing a meal. The best part about eating Bee Gee's was how good the chicken nuggets I got from Wendy's after I left tasted.